Have you ever found yourself out of school and working, but not necessarily in the field of the degree you studied? What happens to all those people who study hard in college, earn a degree and then can't find a job in their field. Or maybe they do find a job opening in their field, but they didn't stand out enough in the interview and therefore did not get the job.
I have worked my whole adult life toward a job teaching music at the collegiate level. I have always wanted to be one of the top performers and teachers in my field. I know that by most standards I am still young and this opportunity will, most likely, come. It will not be easy, but it will be rewarding.
I've often thought about what would have been had I chosen another field of study. I would probably own a house and have children, but would I be completely happy? Is being happy really what it is all about? I don't know anymore.
What I do know is that the longer I sit here in a library processing materials and spending more time away from practicing, the more I lose a piece of myself. When I chose music as my field I never thought about money or bills because I knew that God was calling me to music. I knew and trusted that He would provide because I was doing what He wanted me to do. I just never thought that I would still be paying my dues before "my big break". I must confess that sometimes I begin to doubt whether I am talented enough or driven enough to achieve this dream or purpose. I know that the Lord has provided for me thus far and He is not about to drop me, but I also know that somewhere out there are 1000 young students with the same dreams and aspirations I had when I was their age and the only difference between us is our age.
Sometime it is tough to accept reality. I'm not giving in by any means, but I must find the strength to keep pushing myself to the limit and strive for excellence in all that I do in my practicing and teaching. It gets exhausting and I know that everyone feels this way sooner or later. I guess somewhere I just lost sight of what God really wants for me. I will continue to do my 9-5 job with a happy heart, and work hard to earn the job that I know I am really meant to do.
God Bless
HB
