All you have to decide

It's been said that in life one should have no regrets.  Life is a journey of triumphs, and failures, and somewher in between.  One thing life has taught me, or should I say, God has taught me in this life - is that it doesn't matter what mistakes we made in the past and it doesn't matter what mistakes we may make in the future, all that we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given.

There is no greater purpose than what we are doing now - as spouses, parents, men and women, sister or brother, son or daughter.  We must continue to live our lives choosing the path that, in most cases, can be the most trying and difficult.  The lessons we are taught along the way help shape the decisions we make in our future. 

When we do look back it shouldn't be to punish ourselves or feel that regret, but to see the all that we have accomplished and how far we've come in this journey.  Don't allow yourself to sit and stew over things you can no longer control because you probably never had control in the first place.

Lay it down and move on!

God Bless,

HB

Make it throught the day.....

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm: for love is as strong as death...Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it...

Things I've observed

First of all we had a great weekend with Michael and Vicki during their visit. We can't wait until we will be just a 3 hour ride away instead of 8. I wish I had pictures but we didn't take any. Not that we didn't to, we just didn't think about it.

The year is winding down and I begun to notice some things from the different places I go day to day. First of all I have noticed that when I'm driving on a three-lane interstate or highway people would rather pass me in the left lane than get over in the right lane. What's that about?

I think people are just too lazy to move over to the other side. I make a bet with myself every time someone is going to pass as to whether it will be on the left or right and 90% of the time it is on the left side. I don't think this is indigenous to Arkansas.

Is it too much to ask to make a camera that will automatically edit and slim you down when you take a photo. I hate that the way I look in the mirror and the way I look in photos is so different. I look like a small whale in a photo whereas if I look in the mirror I may not be a thin as I once was, but I don't look like I just ate Bambi either.

Today Josh and I started our morning workout routine. We have made a decision to do it together and make exercise a regular part of our life. This is always the hardest step for both of us, because it's too easy to hit the snooze button. :)

My hope and prayer is that God continues to give us the strength to push through our temptations and get healthy!

Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes. We are excited to be moving to Georgia. Please continue to pray about a job for me. Also, please keep my family in your prayers!

God Bless,

HB

Yes it has been a while

So a lot has been going on since I last posted something. I graduated with my doctorate (finally) and Josh and I were able to walk together. Josh gave a wonderful solo recital at the beginning of the semester and I am in the process of getting ready to do my own in March.

We are hopeful that the Lord will bless us with new opportunities whether it be here or at a new school and new area. No one really knows what the future holds but if you keep your eye on God then all will always be alright.

Sometimes it feels like our lives revolve around money and it takes being very strong and grounded to not let it get you down or run your life. Afterall God blesses us with talents and skills, but it doesn't necessarily mean we will get rich and retire by age 40. It sometimes means polishing those talents and enhancing them and doing right by God by following what He wants for us.

This is the journey I am on and what Josh and I have been working hard to accomplish.

God Bless,

HB

The only words I can find

For the last month I, as many people in this world, have been struggling to understand the death of one of our heroes, Michael Jackson. I know that in the last few years I have kept it under my hat that he is one of my biggest inspirations. I thought that if his music or he, as an artist had fallen out of popularity that I would be judged for still admiring him and loving his music. I no longer feel afraid of that judgement. Whether you were born in 1926 or 1975 you knew who Michael Jackson was. You had seen the music videos and heard the music. You knew that he didn't grant interviews as much as you would have liked and that you were always wanting to see and hear more when you did get to see him in an interview. He was very closely scrutinized for his appearance and often criticized for his actions. He took that criticism and let it roll of his chest, knowing that he knew the real truth, whether the world believed him or not. He continued to push through the controversy and make music that touched the deepest emotions and could also make you dance. Even though I am a classical musician by trade, my heart has always been in pop and R&B. The majority of that is due to Michael Jackson. I didn't really know the possibilities until I saw him perform. Like many of us who admire and strive to be like our heroes, I wish I could have met him just once to let him know how thankful I am for his talent and the influence he had on me, and still has today. His death reminded me of what we will be missing; of how wonderful it was to witness his rise to fame and see the growth of his work. It goes without saying that he will be missed; that generations will never know the work ethic and creative genius behind those moves, that voice and those videos. I may not understand death but I do know that God always has a reason. Only God could give someone that much talent and the grace to withstand so many years of adulation and critique. I thank God that He brought Michael Jackson into my life through music and I thank Michael Jackson for using the talent he was given to give back. These are the only words I can find. God Bless, HB

I am always inspired

I am always inspired by those around me. I know that when people first meet me they may see me as stand-offish or even a bit cold, but what I am really doing is learning and listening. I have always been a shy person until I get to know someone well enough to really be myself. Sometimes I feel this holds me back in my professional life, but I eventually break through. What I am most inspired by is the way people interact, the way they speak to one another and the way they create....be it a meal, music, movies, photographs, finger painting with their kids or just holding a conversation. I find as I have gotten older that conversation often turns to politics and the "now" of the world or it is about the past and what you were doing back when you were younger. I have a hard time keeping up with all of the "now" of this world, especially in the world of politics. I often get sad when I think back on the past because those are times I hold so dear to me that I would love to go back a relive them...not to change anything, but just to experience those things again. What I am most inspired by are those who live their life by giving to others whether it be music, ministry, poetry, movies, being a wife or husband, being a parent or taking care of a parent. Relationships are the most important and without those relationships we wither away. I find that I can accomplish everything I want to both personally and professionally but still have an emptiness because I have not continued to cultivate relationships. It's almost as if you become a dusty book that no one reads anymore. It is important to dust yourself off and continue cultivating those relationships. Inspiration is never far behind! God Bless, HB

What happens now

Have you ever found yourself out of school and working, but not necessarily in the field of the degree you studied? What happens to all those people who study hard in college, earn a degree and then can't find a job in their field. Or maybe they do find a job opening in their field, but they didn't stand out enough in the interview and therefore did not get the job.

I have worked my whole adult life toward a job teaching music at the collegiate level. I have always wanted to be one of the top performers and teachers in my field. I know that by most standards I am still young and this opportunity will, most likely, come. It will not be easy, but it will be rewarding.

I've often thought about what would have been had I chosen another field of study. I would probably own a house and have children, but would I be completely happy? Is being happy really what it is all about? I don't know anymore.

What I do know is that the longer I sit here in a library processing materials and spending more time away from practicing, the more I lose a piece of myself. When I chose music as my field I never thought about money or bills because I knew that God was calling me to music. I knew and trusted that He would provide because I was doing what He wanted me to do. I just never thought that I would still be paying my dues before "my big break". I must confess that sometimes I begin to doubt whether I am talented enough or driven enough to achieve this dream or purpose. I know that the Lord has provided for me thus far and He is not about to drop me, but I also know that somewhere out there are 1000 young students with the same dreams and aspirations I had when I was their age and the only difference between us is our age.

Sometime it is tough to accept reality. I'm not giving in by any means, but I must find the strength to keep pushing myself to the limit and strive for excellence in all that I do in my practicing and teaching. It gets exhausting and I know that everyone feels this way sooner or later. I guess somewhere I just lost sight of what God really wants for me. I will continue to do my 9-5 job with a happy heart, and work hard to earn the job that I know I am really meant to do.

God Bless

HB